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Wanting my wife is a totally physical response to how she looks, behaves, dresses, smells, tempts, excites, talks, ... And, after many years of marriage, she knows how to get my attention.

Needing is, for me, emotional.

Many of us men, unlike many of you African ladies, are (sometimes to our detriment) able to put our emotions into a box. We often segregate feelings and then call on them when we want them. It is our way of controlling our world – of protecting ourselves.

There are those days, when I have simply been decimated by the world that I live and work in – when all the defense shields have taken their hits and are weak, when the emotions in the box are seeping through the cracks in the shield and I am losing control. These are the days that I need her – the days that having her close to me, under me, me inside her and she inside me (emotionally, of course – the reverse of the physical act of intercourse).

The wonderful part of it all is that she knows me and is always available to me – waiting to be told that I want her or need her.

You see, I have her very much in hand. And, she has me very much in heart.

That was very well put. You're both very lucky to have each other. It makes people very close to need each other and I'm sure women like me always like to be needed, to have a role to play in making things fine if you've had a bad day.

What can be hard for women is when they think men may well need them but he doesn't then, immediately, at that point. Instead he wants to withdraw a bit, recover before he expresses the need so you need to wait. Hard to be patient when you'd really rather give before he chooses to take.

There are times when I want her, and there are times when I NEED her.

There are times when she is relaxed and very available, and there are times that she is frazzled, rushed, and while available, just not in synch.

While she is always available, I try to match my mode to her current situation.

Forcefully taking her or ‘demanding’ that she meet my needs is an approach that I try to employ to match her mode of emotional availability.

When she is in an edgy state, I approach her with great tenderness, always leaving her the option of delaying the inevitable. Yet, she knows that her responsibility to meet my need remains an unfilled event.

Properly timed and used, both approaches provide great enjoyment to both of us.

..in theory this is working for me as well

.. and practically? what if she has reasons to say no? and my ego agrees and my demand disagrees?

Where is the key, if she rejects .. and for her sake (and as a caring dominant I look for her) it is better, to accept the rejection.

But for my ego it is difficult to get rejected. This is really one of the biggest issue I suffer from, and with this as well my beloved woman has to suffer, because of the insecurity this rejection causes inside me.

Probably all a matter of good and bad timing. *smile

Regards from Switzerland.. and by the way as this is my first posting after reading here a couple of days, this is a place where I find so many wonderful thoughts, inspirations, tips and articles... often I say, yes, that's me, that's us, that what we are, who we are, where we go. Thanks to all setting this up and sharing thoughts. Finally, sorry for my English -- I'm not native speaker.

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